Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Fucking Ass Off

Oh T-Pain, thank you. I needed a giggle and you gave me one. To his credit he says that not only is his home fully paid for but ALL of his children have 7-figure trust funds set aside. If that's true then I can look at your $410,000 chain (10lbs. 197kts. got. damn.) and not call you so many mean names. But, you did say you had 32 cars? I hope you're not for serious. Because that would be just ignorant you, you, you, you.... You know what I'm not gonna even say it, but, that's only because your house is paid for. Good boy.

My kind of pick me up

Kia always does the cutest pick me ups. 

They're so cute and precious and always seem to do just what they should, pick you up lol

Well, I've been going through a bit of a rough patch lately and a song came on XM radio and it totally, for lack of a better phrase, picked me up!

You guys know how I am. I'm a Miami girl. I love shopping, clubbing, firting, so, although this pick me up is not a Disney movie remix by any stretch of the imagination , if this song doesn't make you get up and shake your ass, go to the hospital, because you're probably dead. 

Like I said it picked my ass up!

God bless baby sisters

perezhilton.com

Oh my frick!!! I have been about to shit myself trying to figure out where I've seen that sexy Indian/wolf kid from Twilight before! I swear to God I was going insane, because every time I saw his face I was like I know I've seen this kid before!!

I had to do my process of elimination. He wasn't on any of the shows on Disney or Nick I watch (yes I'm 20 and watch Disney and Nickelodeon), or any of my favorite little kid movies.  I had all but given up until...

My little sister (13) says, as we drool over his New Moon pics, "He used to be so young in Shark boy and Lava girl." And I was like, "Oh shit! That is the boy!" 

Of course I wouldn't have remembered that on my own. I took her to see that shitty ass movie ages ago. I hated it! It was so dumb! I didn't pay attention at all. All I remember is saying, "That girl (I've seen her somewhere else too, but me and my sister can't remember from where to save our lives) looks dumb with that pink wig, and lava is red, so she should be red."

And I thought, that little boy kind of does look like a shark...

Now he's a stone cold fox baby!

It needs no title, no intro...

PS Watch in full 

screen mode

If you ever had any doubts...

Here's Hugh Jackman and here's Hugh Jackman's BEARD

pereshilton.com

YES GIRL THAT IS HIS WIFE!!! If you had any doubts about what team he plays for.... Well u know

And if you don't get it or you don't know what a beard it is, you're probably reading the wrong blog, try the Huffington Post babe

Sumbody's gonna be in trouble come Monday mornin!

Was anyone else watching the MTV movie awards? Apparently nobody is really watching. I love award shows. The awkward moments that live TV brings, watching Celebs sit in a  room with other celebs. You can just tell that they're all uncomfortable with being not so special in the moment. It's one thing to be the only famous person in  a building or 1 of a couple. But there's a whole bunch everywhere and they're not getting paid a bunch of attention, it makes them squirmy and moody. Awesome lol

 Ok that's enough, to my point. If you were watching, did you see the Bruno-Eminem moment?!?!?

The whole time I'm like, "Is this for real, no it's not, shit yes it is, oh my god they bout to fight!" 

Now if you weren't watching, what had happened was, Bruno (Sascha Baron Cohen's new movie character) came into the building on a harness like an angel. He was saying something (god

know wut) and then he gets twisted up in the harness and is now hanging upside down. Did I mention he's wearing something like a thin ass white thong, no pants? Well, yea. 

So, he starts to descend, and he falls head first into the lap of Eminem! So now him and Eminem are in the 69 position!!! So Eminem's screaming, "Are you serious, are you fucking serious?" But you can't really see his face because Bruno and his huge ass angel wings are covering him lmao! So Eminem's trying to push Bruno off and he tells two members of D-12, "get this motherfucker off of me!" And the two of them and Tyrese yank Bruno (rather violently) off. 

Eminem looking BEYOND pissed storms off. MTV could care less, they figured "he's filmed his performing obligations, fuck it" and their cameras are all up in his face paparazzi, TMZ style. Every single person in the building is uncomfortable, nervous and whispering to their neighbor "WTF?"

At first I was swearing it was planed but MTV didn't bleep out Eminem cursing and they're not juts going to let him say motherfucker all willy nilly, joke or no joke. And I saw Eminem in 8 mile and he did a decent job acting as himself. But the look on his face was just too real.

I think MTV and Sacha Baron Cohen planned it, but Eminem had no clue!

Trust me when I tell you, he's not just gonna let that shit ride. He's gonna make somebody pay for that shit. He's a rapper, they're not to fond of public humiliation, especially when it involves them 69ing a dude...

What time is it?

Oh My God. I thought this day would never get here. IT IS SUMMER!!!!!!! I can't help but think of that part in HSM2 (yes I fucks with it so heavy I use the acronym) when they do the summer countdown. We should all run in front of Arnold and break out in a full song and dance routine!!!!

Don't act like you don't want to watch it

What time is it? Summertime! It's our vacation!!! SCHOOL'S OUT SCREAM AND SHOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kind of over blogging

Who cares what I have to say, what I'm thinking, what I'm doing. The whole virtual voyeur thing is getting old to me. Facebook MySpace, Twitter, YouTube, it's all very narcissistic and attention whore-ish if you ask me. We all secretly want to be Paris Hilton.

I will never get people who LIVE on the internet, like this kid....

Real Housewives

IS. MY. DRUG. As Elyse says about Greek, I watch them ALL like it's my job. 

Real Housewives of Orange County

Real Housewives of New York

Real Housewives of Atlanta

Real Housewives of New Jersey

I talk about these hoes like I know them (Jill would kill me for referring to them as Hoes, Luanne would be offended, Bethanny would laugh). You see!

Swear to god, I confuse conversations that they have with conversations I've had in real life. I'll be like "Who was that we were saying needed to wear a bra the other day?" (I really did say this to Elyse yesterday) Then I'll remember oh no wait that was the Real Housewives of New York reunion show.. 

The drama, the falls sense of self and entitlemnt, the bitchiness, the excess give it to me! ROUGH!!!!

One time for all the people who mis-manged their money, part deux

OK, the freebies from this recession are officially OOC!

They are giving everything away but the damn kitchen sink at the White House. I found this website that sells gift certificates to some of the most expensive restaurants in the hottest cities. You can buy a $50 gift certificate for $20 or a $100 grift certificate for $40. I looked up some places in South Beach and called to see if thy took these gift certificates and the whole thing's legit.

Here's the site restaurant.com

Type in your city and see what you find!

The baddest muthafucka on YouTube

No commentary needed, this is Mr. Turner...

My favorite quote on earth right now

I was watching Martin last night. It was the episode where Gina and Martin start dating other people. Pam hooks Gina up with her cousin who's a pastor (played by David Alan Grier).

He takes her to some super expensive restaurant and Gina asks  how a pastor is able to afford such an expensive place. While flashing a beautiful gold Rolex watch he says, 

"Sister I admit I am fortunate, cause God surely provides. God provides like a son of a bitch."

I think I laughed for like 20 minutes straight. Every time I thought about it or mentioned it I laughed. Hell, I'm laughing right now. Martin has to be THE best back comedy EVER!

Wit yo ignant ass

Just when Barack Obama made black folks look intellectual and shit, here comes this dumb ass.

"I am not a fan of books. I would never want a book's autograph. I am a proud non-reader of books. I like to get information from doing stuff like actually talking to people and living real life."

What?!

 Now, the reason I am a fan of Kanye because I thought he was the artsy, intellectual rapper. He did everything outside of the stereotype of a typical rapper. He not only dabbled into the world of fashion, art and film, but he actually took time to learn about it and fully immerse himself into the culture and I respect that.

But to say something so ignorant, I don't even know what to say...

And to make it worse he said this while promoting some book he just penned that he's trying to sell. NOBODY BETTER BY THAT SHIT FROM HIM!!

Dear lady with the ugly bob

http://jonandkateplus8snark.blogspot.com/2008/12/kate-gosselin-has-lovely-smile.html

I am tired of you and your face! I don't know why people give a shit about you and your spineless, cheater husband but I'm over it. I watched one episode of you and you're a rude ass bitch. I don't like you, I don't want to see you anymore when I'm buying groceries GO AWAY! 

Gay for GaGa

Honestly I am in love with this bitch!!!!!!!

http://www.starpulse.com/news/index.php/2008/12/09/fashion_wtf_lady_gaga_s_crazy_outfit

Shit! Where do I begin? Her style, which she does herself, (take note RiYAWNna). She shops for vintage couture, then mixes it with modern edgy pieces. She even creates some of her own pieces, And she almost NEVER wears pants, and somehow makes it OK. Damn, I wish!

Her music- honestly, I am in school doing this writing major crap simply so I can properly put into words how fuckin amazing that shit is. I have never been so excited about an album or an artist EVER! It moves me!

I love it when people are shocked by her, and say how slutty she is. I mean if even in this shock and awe society you still make people uncomfortable, you're a true provoacateur! 

With that said WATCH LOVE GAME it'll make you gay for her too. And when I say gay I mean be her rug munchin bitch!

WTF PCD?

Umm OK, The Pussycat Dolls are definitely on my "Can Do No Wrong" list. Hip-hop/pop burlesque is obviously the secret dance of the gods!

But... just about every person on my "Can Do No Wrong List" has a moment where they just do so wrong even I can't ignore it. With that said, PCD has just released their latest single from their definitely non-denominating (sales wise) album "Doll Domination". It hasn't done well but it really is a great album. The album is flopping for two main reason. 

Lack of promotion. Bitches, it's a recession, you gotta push an album way harder than you did 3-4 years ago! After the initial release, they rested on the PR from the Britney tour (they were her opening act). Someone should have told them that Britney had that shit on lock. Yall wasn't gonna even be an afterthought once that bitch got on stage.

And 2 and most important, SHITTY SINGLE CHOICES!  HEY GIRLS OUT OF THIS CLUB NEEDS TO BE A SINGLE.! To be frank, they're all great records, but when it comes to commercial appeal and crossover potential it's clearly the best you have!

But no, you release "HUSH HUSH"which I love, but ballads were never your strong point. You obviously no that. So, you took this song

and made it this

Now, it is cute and fun, and a great video. But it won't translate and it won't be #1. Trust 

God is good!

OK, a lot of people have been asking me if it's true that Drake and RiYAWNnna are dating. When I heard this I almost vomited because I though Drake would be able to see through her hype. REAL artists like him are the people we should hear on the radio non-stop. Not the uber-manucatured bore that is RiYAWNna. Well it seems I was right )as always) and they are not, repeat, NOT dating.

Turns out she's dating KANYE WEST. I kind of think it's hilarious, but not as "shocking" as everyone else seems to be taking it. The whole edgy, sex-kitten, pop creation is soooo his vibe. He's still super talented and creative in my book, but lets' face it his taste in women... I mean come on, that Amber slut chick....

http://beautythejourney.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/amber-rose.jpg

Frankly even RiYAWNna is an upgrade!

Now, watch Kanye's creepy new video. "Paranoid", inexplicably starring Rihanna.

Got Damn, mother fucking, cock sucking, anal raping, BULLSHIT!!!!

I apologize for the incredibly crude language, but I am absolutely livid!!! I feel disrespected, disgusted, some other dis words, angry, offended, nauseous and a whole bunch of really bad things! 

The Wiz is my shit!! Diana Ross singing home makes me cum every time! Her screaming, it's real, changed my life! Lena Horne is the reason why I feel lucky to be a black person, because she's one too!

And then god got really pissy because I stopped going to church and decided to hurt me, real bad. 

What is this? What in the hell is this????????? Ashanti is playing Dorothy in The Wiz on broadway. I want to go so I can be like the people from PETA and throw something on her. Instead of blood I think I'll throw dirt or talent. This bitch can't even sing. Next, Brooke Hogan will be doing Janis Joplin covers.

Conversations with Kela & Ashley

A few weeks ago you guys got to me my beautiful BFF Tiffany.

This week you guys get to meet, drumroll please........

Kela!!! My other BFF/Partner in crime/ girl that beats up more people than me and fights boys.

Ashley: How are you Kela?

Kela: I'm just dandy Ashley, tired, I'm so worn out!

(talking to TV) They coulda chose a real Carribbean girl not some fake ass red-head!

Ashley: You're so mean

Kela: You're a fake ass bitch

Ashley: You're hurting me, emotionally

Kela: Shut up you coon

Ashley: This is no longer fun

Kela: You're right hurting your feelings is no longer fun

(Kela cracks up as Sophia insults Blanche)

The conversation ends there because she's an evil bully. We're Besties because I'm a sadomasochist.

"Look at me, Damien. IT'S ALL FOR YOU!"

OK, so Whit HATES the colors on my blog. So just to pacify the only boy in class (which I'm sure gets old lol) I'm changing them. Just for you Whit. It's all for you!